Die-Screaming rates the hugely anticipated Star Wars parody…
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody (2012)
Award-winning director Axel Braun teamed up with adult powerhouse Vivid Entertainment to film the most ambitious porn ever made.
Will Leia succumb to the Dark Side of the Force? Will Han shoot first? Will Chewy get lucky? You will get all the answers, and much, much more in the adult movie event of the year, STAR WARS XXX: A Porn Parody.
May the farce be with you!
Studio: Vivid
Director: Axel Braun
Starring:
- Allie Haze
- Jennifer White
- Aiden Ashley
- Kylie Ireland
- Kimberly Kane
- Chi Chi LaRue
- Jennifer Dark
- Eve Lawrence
- Lily Cade
- Brandy Aniston
- Rylie Richman
- Sky Banks
- Lizzy London
- Seth Gamble
- Rocco Reed
- Tom Byron
- Lexington Steele
- Tommy Pistol
- Ryan McLane
- Kyle Stone
- Kris Slater
- Marcus London
- Derrick Pierce
- Danny Wylde
- Dick Chibbles
- Brian Street Team
- Pete Oh Tool
- Ryan Driller
- Kris Kelvin
- Nick Danger
My copy of Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody arrived just in time for the weekend, giving me the opportunity to finally sit down and spend some time with the most anticipated porn film of 2012. As someone who grew up in the 1980’s and a lifelong fan of George Lucas’s masterful Star Wars trilogy, I was very eager to see what Axel Braun, another director who’s work I admire quite a bit, had in store for Luke, Han, Leia, and Darth Vader.
After watching the movie in its entirety, I walked away with the impression that this was arguably Axel Braun’s finest work and that Star Wars XXX was the best porn parody I had ever seen (and as someone who reviews porn on a regular basis, I’ve seen a lot).
What made Star Wars XXX so great, in my opinion, was the care and respect that Axel Braun paid to the original Star Wars source material. Yes, Star Wars XXX is a parody and the characters in Braun’s movie are quite a bit different than their George Lucas counterparts. That being said, however, this movie still managed to feel like a Star Wars film.
The movie had a larger than life feel to it, making you believe that this was a porn parody that spanned across the galaxy, from the deserts of Tatooine to the cold, metal hallways of the Death Star, to the jungles of Yavin IV. Wise cracking Droids? Star Wars XXX has them. Swarms of X-Wings taking on squadrons of TIE Fighters? It has that, too. As a die-hard, lifelong Star Wars fan, this movie absolutely did justice to the original and that is probably the biggest compliment I could pay it.
Star Wars XXX | The sex scenes…
There were a total of six hardcore scenes, all of them being pretty great. The first involves Darth Vader (Lexington Steele) (who IS NOT LEIA’S FATHER in this version) “interrogating” Princess Leia (Allie Haze) aboard the Death Star. An all oral scene, Leia starts out by rubbing her pussy, moaning softly, before getting down on her knees and spending the better part of ten minutes doing her best to handle Vader’s massive organ.
The scene concludes with The Sith Lord depositing a large dose of the Dark Side into the young princess’s mouth. If this were the only sex part in the movie, Star Wars XXX would still be an amazing porn, the scene was that good. Allie Haze absolutely nailed the role of Princess Leia and her performance throughout this movie should go a long way to propelling her into the upper ranks of uber-elite pornstars.
The second sex scene featured Obi Wan Kenobi (Tom Byron) getting down and dirty with a Tusken Raider (aka Sand Person). After scaring a bunch of the crazy dessert nomads away, Old Ben finds that one of them isn’t as easily frightened. And, yes, she’s also the smoking hot Jennifer White.
This discovery, of course, leads to Obi Wan bending the slutty Tusken Raider over Luke’s speeder and having his way with her, including spending quite a bit of time fucking her in the ass. After the deed is done, Jennifer White hisses menacingly at Obi Wan and takes off. I guess that’s what happens when you fuck a Sand Person.
At this point, Obi Wan gets back to the script and gathers up Luke Skywalker (Seth Gamble) and his two droid companions, R2-D2 and C3P0, and takes them back to his hut. After some discussion, and the realization that Luke is a sissy and Obi Wan is a functional alcoholic, the pair make their way into Mos Eisley, home of a wide assortment of “scum and villainy”. And, lucky for us, a whole lot of hot and horny women. While in the Mos Eisley Cantina, Luke and Obi Wan meet up with Han Solo (Rocco Reed) and his co-pilot, Chewbacca (Dick Chibbles).
While they negotiate a ride to Alderaan, the stage is set for the third and fourth sex scene. Two Cantina girls (Aiden Ashley and Kimberly Kane) provide a really great lesbian sex exhibition. Once that scene is complete, the film transitions to its fourth sex scene, a foursome featuring Gia Dimarco and Rihanna Rimes (who’s dresses as what appears to be one of Jabba’s exotic dancers…) getting crazy with two random dudes (one of whom is a Devaronian, for those up on their Star Wars trivia). Both scenes are fairly entertaining and everyone involved does a really great job of fucking while wearing some really crazy costumes.
Before taking off for Alderaan, which has been blown to bits by the evil empire, Han Solo meets up with Guido. This encounter leads to one of the most satisfying moments of the film when Han not only shoots first, he continues to shoot the dead body several more times, just to drive the point home that Han Solo is a bad ass. George Lucas, I love you and you’re a genius, but Axel Braun did this scene the way you should have done it.
And speaking of some really great fucking while wearing a crazy costume, enter Scene Five. This was the scene that everyone knew was coming, a hardcore Chewbacca fuck scene, with the Wookie giving it to two Imperial Storm Troopers (all of whom are women in Star Wars XXX, by the way). Dick Chibbles deserves some sort of award, if for no other reason than he managed to fuck the shit out of two smoking hot women (Eve Laurence and Brandy Aniston), including anal, while wearing what had to be a hellishly hot Chewbacca costume. Eve Laurence and Brandy Aniston, you also get props for having the talent needed to actually tag team a Wookie and make it look hot. Great scene and really, really great performance.
I don’t want to be spoiling it for anyone, but Han and Luke rescue Princess Leia and everybody (except poor, drunken Obi Wan who gets cut down by Darth Vader) escapes the Death Star and the rebels mount an assault on the massive space station that leads to it getting blown up. Okay, well they manage to blow it up in the original Star Wars. In this XXX version, the thing meets its end after the most annoying waiter in the galaxy (Marcus London) has a kitchen fire that gets too close to the core reactor. Yes. A kitchen fire takes down the Death Star.
Which leads to the final sex scene, and the one that everyone has been waiting for; the Luke, Leia, and Han theesome. I’m assuming that Leia isn’t related to Luke in this version (a joke is even made by Leia about wanting to kiss Luke to show him what it’s like to do it with someone who he’s not related to) and everything is on the up and up. The scene itself is a pure fanboy wet dream, with Luke and Han double teaming Leia in one of the best scenes featured in the entire movie. As I mentioned before, Allie Haze KILLS in her role as Princess Leia and I simply can’t heap enough compliments her way for her performance in Star Wars XXX. If you weren’t a rabid Allie Haze fan before Star Wars XXX, you absolutely will be after seeing it.
The bottom line…
Star Wars XXX, from beginning to end, is an amazing movie. Axel Braun has put together what is, I believe, the best film of his career (to date) and ranks as one of the very best and most entertaining porn films…of all time. There. I said it. I think Star Wars XXX is an instant classic and, yes, an all time great.
If you are a Star Wars fan, you should own this video. It’s amazing and I honestly can’t thank Axel Braun enough for putting it all together. Allie Haze, along with Rocco Reed, Seth Gamble, Dick Chibbles, Tom Byron, and Lexington Steele, does a MARVELOUS job in Star Wars XXX. ALL of the cast did a fantastic job and did the original Star Wars film justice with their performances.
HIGHLY, HIGHLY, HIGHLY Recommend Star Wars XXX.
