Because choosing the wrong smut movie will just ruin the shit out of your Valentine’s Day night…
10. Debbie Does Dallas (VCX) | 1978
The classics never die. Kicking off our countdown of the ten best Valentine’s Day porn movies is Debbie Does Dallas. You and your honey can plop down on the couch or bed or floor or wherever and enjoy some vintage 1970’s porn, complete with big mustaches, cheesy music, and impressive mounds of pubic hair.
9. Threesome Fantasies Fulfilled (Pure Passion) | 2013
Threesome porn on Valentine’s Day? Sure! Threesome Fantasies Fulfilled is one of the best-selling porn movies of all time and the reason for that is because this is arguably one of the greatest Boy/Girl/Girl smut movies ever produced. Take a chance and add some spice to the night.
8. Portrait of a Call Girl (Elegant Angel) | 2011
No, Portrait of a Call Girl isn’t the stereotypical “couples porn movie” that most people might think of for Valentine’s Day. But who wants to be stereotypical? If you and your partner enjoy powerful, character driven dramas that also include a whole bunch of intense fucking, maybe go out on a limb and give this one a go.
7. Aftermath (Wicked Pictures) | 2014
Aside from being probably one of the ten best porn movies of the past decade, Aftermath is also a really great choice for Valentine’s Day night. It has lots and lots of sex, plot twists, and an ending that will leave both of you with your mouths hanging open in shock. Even people who aren’t “into” porn tend to enjoy Aftermath, it’s that good.
6. Dream Quest (Wicked Pictures) | 2000
Maybe you and your partner are into fantasy and magic and trolls and elves. If so, Dream Quest might be the perfect porn movie for you on February 14th. Also, it features Jenna Jameson and is directed by Brad Armstrong (probably the greatest porn director of the past 20 years).
5. The Sexual Liberation of Anna Lee (New Sensations) | 2014
How good is The Sexual Liberation of Anna Lee? Well, it won Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Couples Themed Release at the 2015 XBIZ Awards. And it’s written and directed by Jacky St. James, one of the best creative minds currently working in all of smut. And it stars Maddy O’Reilly, the lady who just happens to be my favorite pornstar of all goddamn time. It’s really good.
4. Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge (Digital Playground) | 2008
A reasonable person could make the argument that Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge is the very best porn movie ever made. It’s also perfect Valentine’s Day material because it’s loaded with fun adventure, incredible sex scenes, terrific acting, and one of the biggest production budgets of any porn movie ever made.
3. Fallen (Wicked Pictures) | 2008
If you watch Fallen with your partner and she or he doesn’t love it…you should probably just end the relationship because they are clearly a trash person. Fallen is possibly the best film Brad Armstrong ever made, one of the best XXX movies of this Millenium, and it’s about angels having sex with people! This is the porn that Jesus and Mary Magdalene watch on Valentine’s Day.
2. The Submission of Emma Marx (New Sensations) | 2013
The Submission of Emma Marx is basically Fifty Shades of Grey…but way better. It’s written and directed by Jacky St. James (remember I already mentioned how amazing she is?) and features some of the hottest XXX action of any movie on this list. Penny Pax and Riley Reid are incredible in this film and The Submission of Emma Marx is just so awesome. I’m rambling now.
1. Pirates (Digital Playground) | 2005
Pirates is my pick for the number one best porn movie to watch on Valentine’s Day. And I’m not just recommending it to you, this is the movie that me and my sexually deviant wife watch every year. It goes great with lots of champagne and weird sex. Truly one of the best porn movies of all time and just super fun to watch.
About this Top 10 list…
Watching porn with your special person on Valentine’s Day is one of the best and most awesome ways to spend the holiday. Combined with a nice dinner and a bottle of wine, adding a high-quality adult film adds some spice to the night that another re-watch of The Notebook simply cannot. The ten films listed above were selected by me, a guy who’s watched a LOT of porn over the years, as some of the very best selections for a romantic couple’s night.
