Die-Screaming ranks the ten greatest XXX films of 2016…
10. Lefty (Sweetheart Video)
Dana Vespoli is one of the most talented and creative forces in porn. In Lefty, Ms. Vespoli puts all of that on full display as she delivers a powerfully memorable story, working both sides of the camera, and producing one of the hottest, most entertaining XXX films of 2016. The cast of Lefty each give some of their best individual performances of the year. This is just an outstanding movie from beginning to end.
9. The Marine (EliteX Films)
In addition to being arguably the best performance Chad White has ever given, The Marine is also one of the most entertaining porn movies of 2016. Really great hardcore scenes (the Chad White/Tasha Reign/Dana DeArmond threesome is amazing) aside, the film is also full of machine guns and over-the-top Hollywood style violence. And all of that is done with a level of special effects and choreography production that is extremely rare for a XXX film.
8. DNA (Wicked Pictures)
DNA, one of two Brad Armstrong directed films on this year’s Top 10 list, is just loaded from beginning to end with awesome. First, it’s a Brad Armstrong directed XXX story. This alone should make you want to see it. Add in an insanely talented cast that features jessica drake, Asa Akira, Small Hands, Abella Danger, Abigail Mac, Ryan Driller and Chanel Preston. Then top all of that off with some of the very best hardcore scenes of any film in 2016.
7. Black & White Vol. 6 (Blacked)
I think I watched every film Greg Lansky made this year and Black & White Vol. 6 was my favorite. The sex scenes in this movie are incredible and the overall production value is off the charts. It also featured Brett Rossi’s first ever hardcore IR scene, which proved to be one of the rare times in which one of those “first time” scenes actually lived up to the hype. Black & White Vol. 6 also happens to feature one of Isiah Maxwell’s (Die-Screaming’s #5 best male pornstar of 2016) best performances of 2016. If you haven’t yet seen this movie, you need to stop being an asshole and get to it.
6. Hard In Love (Evil Angel)
Hard in Love is one of those porn movies that you will either love or you’ll need therapy and medicine after watching it. Written by Misha Cross and Samantha Bentley and directed by John Stagliano, this movie is one of the hardest or hardcore XXX movies of 2016. If you take a shot every time a Hard in Love cast member gets slapped or has another girl spit inside their gaping butthole…you will die. I absolutely adored this movie and (maybe) you will, too.
5. Suicide Squad XXX: An Axel Braun Parody (Wicked Pictures)
The undisputed heavyweight blockbuster of 2016, Suicide Squad XXX was also one of the most critically acclaimed. Between AVN and XBIZ, the movie earned nearly thirty major award nominations and it was consistently one of the best-selling dirty movies of the year. Kleio Valentien as Harley Quinn and Tommy Pistol as The Joker gave two of the best performances of the year. Having seen both this movie and the Warner Brothers mainstream Hollywood version, I can tell you that Axel Braun’s was more entertaining.
4. Babysitting the Baumgartners (Adam & Eve)
Babysitting the Baumgartners was easily one of the biggest releases of 2016. With a runtime of four hours and featuring a dozen hardcore sex scenes, this is pretty much the Lord of the Rings of porn. Additionally, Sara Luvv delivered what was arguably the best performance of her career here, helping her earn twelve AVN and XBIZ nominations and rank as Die-Screaming’s #5 best female pornstar of 2016.
3. Cindy, Queen of Hell (BurningAngel Entertainment)
I’m an unabashed Joanna Angel fan and have been for many years, so it’s no small thing when I say that Cindy, Queen Of Hell may be one of the best things that she’s ever done. Her and Xander Corvus have crafted an incredibly fun and entertaining XXX movie here and I actually watched it three times. And considering that my attention span has been pretty much destroyed from whiskey and rock fights over the years, that’s a lot.
2. The Submission of Emma Marx: Exposed (New Sensations)
The Submission of Emma Marx: Exposed is the third and final installment of Jacky St. James’ incredible Emma Marx trilogy. The series as a whole will probably go down as one of the greatest porn franchises of all-time and Exposed was possibly the best film of the three. My wife and I watched this on our anniversary and she actually said it was “fucking great”. If Penny Pax and Jacky St. James don’t win lots and lots of AVN and XBIZ trophies for their work on this movie I will be sad.
1. The Preacher’s Daughter (Wicked Pictures)
If you read the plot description on the back of the DVD cover for The Preacher’s Daughter, you’d probably come away with the impression that this is little more than an X-rated version of a Hallmark Channel special. But it’s not. The Preacher’s Daughter is my choice for the #1 porn film of 2016. It combines the masterful storytelling and direction of Brad Armstrong, award-worthy performances by the entire cast and is one of the most intense XXX films you will see. If you can only watch one porn movie this year, it should be The Preacher’s Daughter.
About this year’s Best Porn Movie rankings…
Each year, I do a Top 10 Porn Movies of the Year list for Die-Screaming and each year it is one of the toughest posts I have to write. This year was no exception.
Trying to whittle down all of the great porn films of 2016 to just ten is impossible. There were probably twenty-five or thirty XXX films released this year that I would classify as being “truely outstanding”. But for the purposes of identifying only the best of the best, I decided to keep the list presented here limited to only ten movies. Just understand that there were several movies that didn’t make this list that were, in my opinion, must-see material.
And now for a few disclaimers. If I didn’t see a movie, I didn’t consider it for this list. This post isn’t sponsored by any studio, director or performer. While I do watch more porn than is healthy for human consumption, I spend most of my days and nights in a whiskey induced stupor and I’m a fucking idiot even when I’m sober…which is never. I’ll probably die alone in a Wal-Mart bathroom and you shouldn’t really trust my opinions about anything.
If you disagree with any of my rankings above, you can cry all about it in the comments section below. Also, I don’t read the comments section ever.
