It’s like finding an abandoned amusement park in the middle of a forest…
A friend of mine sent a link to BeaverBong.com in our group chat a few days ago. He was like, “Check this out. Saw this link on a Facebook post.” Opening the link took me to what seemed to be a magical, wonderous XXX site that was equal parts stoner heaven and hardcore porn. It was an entire premium porn site dedicated to the mythical beaver bong, a genre of porn that’s as rare as it is intriguing.
What is BeaverBong.com?
BeaverBong.com is a website that has dedicated itself to offering up porn videos that revolve around beaver bongs. If you aren’t familiar with that term, allow me to provide the definition offered on Urban Dictionary…
In addition to some pictures and flashing graphics, the site offers up the opportunity for its audience to not just watch the action, but also participate in the bonging of beavers with them!
BeaverBong.com knows how to party! If you love pussy, (who doesn’t) and love da bong (Dude, our girls ARE the bong!) YOU have got to party with us!
Want us to come to your party?
Got a Beaver? (We’ll bring ourselves)! Give us a shout or shoot send us an email you just might host the next BEAVERBONG.COM smokeout!
Beaver never tasted so good!
This Beaver Bong adventure takes a sad turn…
After a few moments of exploring the BeaverBong site, however, my hopes were quickly dashed. The site is a broken toy. The links to videos don’t work. You can’t sign up for a subscription. You can look at some pictures of ladies letting dudes use their pussies as bongs and then doing sex stuff…but that’s it. BeaverBong.com is the virtual equivalent of an abandoned Blockbuster Video; nothing more than a corpse that reminds of something that once must have been fun and amazing to those lucky enough to have had a membership.
I began to hunt for more BeaverBong. I was hoping to find signs of life somewhere on the filthy Internet. Maybe the site had moved to a different URL. Or maybe it had transitioned into an Onlyfans or maybe a Pornhub profile. I found a few leads; some social media profiles, and a passing reference to the site on Reddit. But they were all dead ends.
My last hope was an email address (BeaverBong@gmail.com). I tried sending them a message but, sadly, Gmail refused to deliver my email because it assumed something coming from a domain like Die-Screaming.com must be spam. It gave me instructions on a bunch of shit that I could do to my email server to maybe fix the issue and be considered a trusted sender but I have no time for such things. I’m a functional alcoholic in search of beaver bongs, goddamnit! Not some email server guy! GODDAMNIT!
Anyway, it’s with much regret that I inform you that BeaverBong.com is nothing more than a haunted ruin, infested with the ghosts of Porn from a previous era (probably the early 2000s, based on their clothes and some of the slang), where a couple of stoner dudes just went around fucking and partying and ripping bong hits from women’s vaginas. At some point, when whoever the hell is still paying the hosting fees sobers up or runs out of money, even these ruins will be taken from us. All we’ll have then is just a fleeting memory of something that was probably great but was gone before anyone even knew it was there.