To begin, I apologize I haven’t written in so long I’ve been busy trying to get my hip hop career off the ground and sadly that’s where any creative thought has been going. I wanted to write an article in honor of Valentines day. I personally am a happily taken man but as many people may know before I was taken I blazed quite the trail of “nasty, dirty, hoes“. There’s no reason to sit around on a day like today and image what you could have, go and get it! I believe some of these tips may help some of you find the mate you’re looking for.
- First and foremost; Make sure she has cute feet! I can’t explain to you how many times I’ve found a woman that I was certain was a solid 13 only to take off her heels and reveal gorilla toes. Shits so big and gawdy they look like the feet are smuggling weapons of mass destruction. Side note: there’s no real reason to take off the heels anyway. Fuck with those things on!
- Make sure (drunk if nothing else) she’ll fuck your friends. Look this day in age group sex is as normal as Fat Albert reruns (what?) So make sure the girl you’re giving your whole heart to will give the whole pussasouras to your buddy’s at least on special occasions.
- No ex-boyfriends they’re still “friends” with. This shit just doesn’t ever work. If need be get rid of that friend your damn self, I know a man who sells the tools for that job pretty cheap.
- Rumpelstiltskin pussy. That’s basically just a vagina that looks like its been locked away with Sagorney Weaver in a bad movie plot for too long. Avoid those.
- Butthole width. If she’s able to get 4 or 5 knuckles deep in her own cavernous stink pot without any kind of anal numbing cream then you’ve got a good choice of finding butt monsters or a disease. Run! Or see one of the previous rules and invite over a few buddies and see how weird your Tuesday can get.
- Large, oddly colored, multifunctional vibrator collection. Keep that. Trust me, I’m quickly learning how important it is to have a reserve that refuses to get tired when I feel like I’d rather watch Youtube videos of my friends ex girlfriends sisters father sing Journey songs.
Last but in NO way least…
- If she’s blowing you while you eat Taco Bell she paid for and some contents of the entree fall atop her (hopefully) pulled back hair and she stops still firmly gripping your Scrappy Doo, and gives you back what’s fallen…marry her.
I hope some of these do’s and don’ts could be of help to you little love birds! Since I’m nothing if not a shameless self promoter, I’d like it if you followed me on Twitter:@drew_breezey and checked out my rap music on Youtube.
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