I want the Hot Water Face Fucker in my life, but for all the wrong reasons.
When I saw a picture of Pipedream’s new Extreme Toyz Hot Water Face Fucker, I immediately wanted one. And while I suppose being able to get a warm blowjob whenever I wanted would be cool, that wasn’t my primary reason for wanting this thing. Mostly, I just want to mount it my guest bathroom to see how much mental trauma I can inflict on my friends and family when they come over to visit.
Does this make me a bad person?
Before I tell you more about my evil reasons for wanting one of these, here’s the official description as quoted from the Pipedream press release…
The Pipedream Extreme Toyz Hot Water Face Fucker is an oral sex simulator with a hidden water reservoir located behind the mouth in the back of the head. Users can fill the tank with hot water for warm realistic blowjobs. The open mouth heats up, creating a warm and tight oral masturbator that massages and stimulates.
Fill it up with hot water and then stick your dick in it? Sounds like a party to me! It also sounds like one of the best presents you could ever give as present to your friend at his next birthday party. “Here, I bought you a woman’s head that you can mouth-fuck while washing your hair. Hold it up so I can get a picture for Facebook.”
Back to my sick fantasy of wanting one of these for my guest bathroom. How awesome would it be to mount the head to the wall, right next to the toilet paper holder? And angle it in such a way so that when you’re sitting on the toilet, it looks like the woman is staring directly into your crotch. The effect of this could literally ruin someone’s life and, dammit, I want to do it.
The Pipedream Extreme Toyz Hot Water Face Fucker is available now. Please buy me one so that I can begin my reign of terror at my next house party.