An ode to the under-appreciated hand job
I believe that hand jobs are far too under rated. I’ve heard a ton of girls say they won’t jerk a guy off because “no one can jerk you off like yourself” and I’ve heard guys say they’re incapable of getting off from a hand job. I think you’re all pussies.
I can understand a women thinking she won’t be able to jerk a man off as well as he can himself but I think it’s preposterous. I suppose we can get it done quicker but there’s no way at all it feels nearly as splendid as when a woman does it. I know that I can look down at my hands right now and find calluses from working out and work, my skin is dry and rough, and the stubble from the hair I shave off my arms every two days is currently growing back into what I can only imagine would feel like fucking a picker bush. All of these factors grow into one big idea that your soft delicate hands, no matter how unsure of themselves when it comes to jerk a ween, would be far better than my crime scene of a masturbatory exercise. I wonder too why (some) women are so dead set on not jerking a man off when they fully expect to be finger shanked at the start of our journey.
Men that don’t believe they can get off from a hand job are one of two things, liars, or men that have not been receiving fantastic hand jobs. The only time I’ve ever encountered a time when I was being crank thanked for a date I took a girl on and couldn’t finish was because she was staring directly into my fucking eyes. I don’t know if any of you have ever done that or had that done to you but it’s absolutely fucking terrifying.
I know for a fact when I’m attempting to derive something fierce from my spank bank while being jerked off my eyes go dead and lifeless, my mouth begins to twitch from the things I’m mostly saying in my head but letting the last little vowels of the words slip out, and my face cringes up like I’m in the middle of one of those absurd Chinese government meetings where they just beat the fuck out of each other before they hear anything else they like.I think if you find the right woman that knows her way around a ween you’ll be more than capable of finishing from a hand job.
I’m not writing this to tell you that I think sloppy hand play is the most exhilarating thing in the sexual play book because I myself am a blowjob man but I certainly do believe that hand jobs have fallen by the waist side and I would like to stand up for their rights.
See also: She’s a skank…a checklist
-Andrew Merwine
Die-Screaming.com
Twitter.com/Drew_Breezey
Related Posts...
Last updated by on .
